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Scrotum Book Review
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www.AssholesAmongUs.com
© Copyright 2007 – David Todeschini – all rights
reserved
  
From School Library Journal
Grade 4-6–When Lucky's mother is electrocuted and dies
after a storm, Lucky's absentee father calls his ex-wife, Brigitte, to fly over
from France to take care of the child. Two years later, the 10-year-old worries
that Brigitte is tired of being her guardian and of their life in Hard Pan (pop.
42) in the middle of the California desert. While Lucky's best friend ties
intricate knots and the little boy down the road cries for attention, she tries
to get some control over her life by restocking her survival kit backpack and
searching for her Higher Power. This character-driven novel has an unusually
complicated backstory, and a fair amount of exposition. Yet, its quirky cast and
local color help to balance this fact, and the desert setting is fascinating.
Lucky's tendency to jump to conclusions is frustrating, but her struggle to come
to terms with her mother's death and with her new life ring true. Phelan's cover
and line drawings are simple and evocative, a perfect complement to the text.
Fans of novels by Deborah Wiles and Katherine Hannigan will be happy to meet
Lucky.–Adrienne Furness, Webster Public Library, NY
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All
rights reserved.
From Booklist
Lucky, age 10, lives in tiny Hard Pan, California
(population 43), with her dog and the young French woman who is her guardian.
With a personality that may remind some readers of Ramona Quimby, Lucky, who is
totally contemporary, teeters between bravado--gathering insect specimens,
scaring away snakes from the laundry--and fear that her guardian will leave her
to return to France. Looking for solace, Lucky eavesdrops on the various 12-step
meetings held in Hard Pan (of which there are plenty), hoping to suss out a
"higher power" that will see her through her difficulties. Her best friend,
Lincoln, is a taciturn boy with a fixation for tying knots; another
acquaintance, Miles, seems a tiresome pest until Lucky discovers a secret about
his mother. Patron's plotting is as tight as her characters are endearing. Lucky
is a true heroine, especially because she's not perfect: she does some cowardly
things, but she takes pains to put them to rights. Francisca Goldsmith
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Book Description
Lucky, age ten, can't wait another day. The meanness
gland in her heart and the crevices full of questions in her brain make running
away from Hard Pan, California (population 43), the rock-bottom only choice she
has.
It's all Brigitte's fault -- for wanting to go back to France. Guardians are
supposed to stay put and look after girls in their care! Instead Lucky is sure
that she'll be abandoned to some orphanage in Los Angeles where her beloved dog,
HMS Beagle, won't be allowed. She'll have to lose her friends Miles, who lives
on cookies, and Lincoln, future U.S. president (maybe) and member of the
International Guild of Knot Tyers. Just as bad, she'll have to give up
eavesdropping on twelve-step anonymous programs where the interesting talk is
all about Higher Powers. Lucky needs her own -- and quick.
But she hadn't planned on a dust storm.
Or needing to lug the world's heaviest survival-kit backpack into the desert.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights
reserved.
1. eavesdropping
Lucky Trimble crouched in a wedge of shade behind the Dumpster. Her ear near a
hole in the paint-chipped wall of Hard Pan's Found Object Wind Chime Museum and
Visitor Center, she listened as Short Sammy told the story of how he hit rock
bottom. How he quit drinking and found his Higher Power. Short Sammy's story, of
all the rock-bottom stories Lucky had heard at twelve-step anonymous meetings --
alcoholics, gamblers, smokers, and overeaters -- was still her favorite.
Sammy told of the day when he had drunk half a gallon of rum listening to Johnny
Cash all morning in his parked '62 Cadillac, then fallen out of the car when he
saw a rattlesnake on the passenger seat biting his dog, Roy, on the
scrotum.
Lucky balanced herself with a hand above the little hole that Short Sammy's
voice was coming out of. With her other hand, she lifted the way-too-curly hair
off her neck. She noticed two small black birds nearby, panting like dogs from
the heat, their beaks open, their feathers puffed up. She put her ear to the
hole because Sammy's voice always got low and soft when he came to the tragical
end of the story.
But Short Sammy didn't head right to the good part. To stretch it out and get
more suspense going for the big ending, he veered off and told about the old
days when he was broke and couldn't afford to buy rum, so he made homemade
liquor from cereal box raisins and any kind of fruit he could scrounge up. This
was the usual roundabout way he talked, and Lucky had noticed that it made
people stay interested, even if the story got quite a bit longer than if someone
else had been telling it.
She stood up, her neck and the backs of her knees sweating, and mashed wads of
hair up under the edges of her floppy hat. She carefully angled an old lawn
chair with frayed webbing into her wedge of shade, and made sure the chair
wouldn't break by easing herself onto it. Flies came, the little biting ones;
she fanned them away with her plastic dustpan. Heat blasted off the Dumpster.
There was a little silence, except for the wobbly ticking noise of the ceiling
fan inside and people shifting in their folding metal chairs. She was pretty
sure they had already heard the story of Short Sammy hitting rock bottom before,
as she had, and that they loved the pure glory and splendiferousness of it as
much as she did -- even though it was hard to imagine Short Sammy being drunk.
Short Sammy's voice sounded like it could barely stand to say what came next.
"That Roy, man," said Sammy, who called everyone "man," even people like Lucky
who were not men. "He was one brave dog. He killed that snake even though it bit
him in the place where it hurts the worst for a male. And there I am, trying to
get away, falling out of the Cad. I break a tooth, I cut my cheek, I give myself
a black eye, I even sprain my ankle, but I'm so drunk, man, I don't even know
I'm messed up -- not till much later. Then I pass out.
"Next day I wake up on the ground, sand in my mouth, and it feels like death. I
mean, it's like I died, man, but at the same time, like I'm too sick and ashamed
to be dead. There's a mangled rattlesnake under the car, there's blood, lots of
blood -- I don't even know if it's my blood or Roy's or the snake's. Roy's gone.
I call him -- nothing. I figure maybe after saving my stupid life he went off to
die alone somewhere. It's probably like a hundred degrees in the shade, man,
about as hot as it is now, but I'm so cold I can't stop shivering."
Lucky's hands smelled metallic, like the thin arms of the lawn chair; they felt
sticky. She pushed her hat back from her forehead; air cooled the sweat there.
"I make this deal with myself," Sammy continued. "The deal is if Roy is okay
I'll quit drinking, join AA, get clean."
Lucky edged her bare leg away from a rough, poking strand of chair webbing. Each
time Short Sammy came to this part in his story, Lucky thought of what kind of
deal she would make with herself if she hit rock bottom. Like, let's say she
didn't know if her dog, HMS Beagle, was alive or dead; she would have to do
something really hard and drastic as her end of the bargain. Or, let's say that
her Guardian just gave up and quit because Lucky did something terrible. The
difference between a Guardian and an actual mom is that a mom can't resign. A
mom has the job for life. But a Guardian like Brigitte could probably just say,
"Well, that's about it for this job. I'm going back to France now. Au revoir."
There poor Lucky would be, standing alone in the kitchen trailer, at rock
bottom. Then she would have to search for her own Higher Power and do a fearless
and searching moral inventory of herself, just like Short Sammy and all the
other anonymous people had had to do.
Short Sammy went on, "Then my wife drives up. Man, I didn't even know she'd
gone. I'm still kind of laying there on the ground. She gets out of her car, but
she doesn't say one word about how messed up I am.
"All she says is, 'I took Roy to the vet's in Sierra City.' She's talking real
calm, almost like she's not mad or anything. She says, 'Fifty miles from here,
and I drove it in, like, maybe half an hour. That was the worst drive of my
life, Sammy, thanks to you. But Roy's okay because I got him there in time for
the antivenom to work.'
"Then she goes into the house and comes out with her suitcases that she must
have packed the night before, and Roy's food dish and water bowl. That killed
me, her taking his food dish and water bowl. All she says to me is, 'Don't call
me.' That, man, was rock bottom. So I threw down the shovel. And here I am."
There was clapping, and Lucky knew that pretty soon they would pass a hat around
for people to put money in. It was a little disappointing that today nobody had
explained how exactly they had found their Higher Power, which was what Lucky
was mainly interested in finding out about.
She didn't get why finding it was so hard. The anonymous people often talked
about getting control of their lives through their Higher Power. Being ten and a
half, Lucky felt like she had no control over her life -- partly because she
wasn't grown up yet -- but that if she found her Higher Power it would guide her
in the right direction.
Chairs scraped as everyone stood up. Now they would all say a little prayer
together, which Lucky liked because there was no church or synagogue or anything
in Hard Pan, California, so the Found Object Wind Chime Museum and Visitor
Center was the closest they got to one. That meant the end of the meeting and
time for her to disappear quick. She'd finished her job of clearing trash from
the patio in front -- smashed beer cans and candy wrappers from yesterday's
Gamblers Anonymous meeting. It wasn't likely that anyone would be coming back to
the Dumpster behind the museum, but someone might. She had to hurry, but she had
to hurry slowly, in order not to make a sound.
She stashed her dustpan and rake beside the wall and left the aluminum lawn
chair hidden behind the Dumpster. Tomorrow, Saturday, would be her day off. Then
on Sunday afternoon, before the Smokers Anonymous meeting, she would again clean
up the museum's little patio. The patio was where the anonymous people sat
around talking after their meetings. All the anonymous people left lots of
litter, and each group could not bear to see the butts or the cans or the candy
wrappers of the group that met before it. The reason was that they were in
recovery. The recovering alcoholics hated to see or smell beer cans left by the
recovering smokers and gamblers; the recovering smokers could not stand
cigarette butts left by the recovering drinkers, and the recovering overeaters
hated to see candy wrappers left by the recovering drinkers, smokers, and
gamblers. Which meant that Lucky had a job -- a great job -- and except for
Dot's kitchen-and-back-porch Baubles 'n' Beauty Salon and the Captain's
mail-sorting job at the post office, it was the only paying job in town.
Wrestling with the straps of her survival kit backpack, which she had with her
at all times, then jogging down the dry streambed toward home, Lucky thought of
a question that Short Sammy's story had lodged into one of her brain crevices.
She figured she had so many crevices and wrinkles, almost all of them filled
with questions and anxious thoughts, that if you were to take her brain and
flatten it out, it would cover a huge space, like maybe a king-size bed.
The question of Short Sammy's dog's scrotum
settled into one certain brain crevice as she picked her way among the weedy
bushes of the dry wash. Even though Lucky could ask Short Sammy almost anything
and he wouldn't mind, she could never ask about the story of Roy, since she had
overheard it. If she asked about Roy, then he would know that she'd been
eavesdropping at the anonymous twelve-step meetings.
Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something
green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much. It sounded medical
and secret, but also important, and Lucky was glad she was a girl and would
never have such an aspect as a scrotum to
her own body. Deep inside she thought she would be interested in seeing an
actual scrotum. But at the same time -- and
this is where Lucky's brain was very complicated -- she definitely did not want
to see one.
A little breeze had come up by the time she got home to the half circle of
trailers. First was her little shiny aluminum canned-ham trailer, where she and
HMS Beagle slept. Next, the long kitchen-dining room-bathroom trailer, and last,
Brigitte's Westcraft bedroom trailer. Instead of having wheels and being hooked
up to cars to tow them around, the three trailers were mounted on concrete
blocks; plus they were anchored to the ground with metal cables to keep from
being blown over in windstorms. The best part was that you could walk from
Lucky's canned ham to Brigitte's Westcraft without ever going outside, because
passageways had been cut where the trailers' ends touched, and sheets of metal
had been shaped and s...
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