FBI Anti Terrorist

Some of these people have Orangutan-sized cohunes. This particular e-Mail is apparently an enhanced knock-off of a previous e-Mail I received - it includes what looks like an official logo / banner that the FBI uses. Except for the grammatical and spelling errors an FBI employee would not make, this e-Mail could possibly fool someone with a 50 I.Q. - but who cares? A FOOL and his / her money are soon parted.

This Nigerian piece of shit even resorts to threats, saying "we can track you down..."; "we can arrest you". If I knew where this scumbag was, I'd get on a plane and put a small caliber cap in his Nigerian ass.

I officially reported this attempted e-Mail scam to the (real) FBI. Since this (and most of these) scam(s) originate in an Internet Cafe' somewhere in Nigeria, it is doubtful (short of nuking the country) that the FBI can prosecute these assholes. If I were Robert Mueller, I'd look up some old friends in the CIA and reactivate Operation Phoenix.... or launch a cruise missile in the vicinity of the IP address where the e-Mail originated.... Kill 'em all... let God sort 'em out.

I have highlighted the stupidity in the following text, and added {my comments in brackets}.

ATTENTION: << Recipient's Name >>

FUND BENEFICIARY,

   We received your email, {I never sent this asshole any emails} this is not a child play, {you're right; it's International mail fraud} we are ready to take you to any length if you failed to proof the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive. {your guess is as good as mine} As a Federal Commission {The FBI is not a "commission"} we are here to protect your interest and the interest of all the United State {which state would that be?} citizens as well as this great Nation. You have been investigated as the beneficiary of the said funds that is why you are in touch with the FBI for a solid proof {sheeesh!}before the funds will be release to you.

   The said funds is now in U.S. Bank {right!} in your name which has been placed on hold under the custody of the FBI for further verification and proof before releasing the fund to you.

   You do not have this document in your files, if you did the fund would not have been hold. We did not believe this at first, {neither do I} but when we saw the transfer we had no option than to contact you.

   We have gone through your Identification record and also the informations received from you, {I never sent this jibeep a fuckin' thing}we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some funds valued at U.S $49.5 Million to your name, The said payment is awaiting adjudication and crediting to D. Todeschini this funds are from Inheritance "willed " from C.B.N Bank Nigeria {Nigeria - Internet thief World capital} precisely.

   With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C (6) of 2003, {no such shit} which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records, which duly guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to ongoing terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.

     Note that with the information’s {"information's" - possessive form of "information"; i.e.: as belonging to the information} we have here, the fund in your name here was release from Federal Republic Of Nigeria. To this regard you are to contact the E.F.C.C Nigeria where the fund was release from so that they will issue you the required document because they are the only people that can issue you the document. Nobody else have the right or privilege to issue you this document unless the E.F.C.C Nigeria.

     You are under an observational / Investigation in connection with money laundering. {these jibeeps have a set of balls, don't they? It would be soooo easy to murder one of these scumbags in cold blood} If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source, the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the official monitory transaction {"monitory" - as pertaining to the "moni"} release document so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people.

    You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen wired transaction number coded: 34567112 D. Todeschini 39AZQV9007 owned by a David Todeschini.

   You do not have any rights to receive these funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete.

For your own good and benefit, you are advice not to send your money to anybody. It have come to our notice that you have been dealing with scammers {the pot calling the kettle "black"} regarding the present transaction in your name, with the power imposed on us as a high Federal Commission, you are hereby warn and instruction {good grammar eh? - I didn't know the FBI hired grammar-school dropouts} to terminate your involvement with any people or individual contacting you regarding this present transaction. The said funds is now in our custody in your name as the beneficiary, your dealings should be channel to this office alone, if we find out you are still communicating with Imposters you will be charge for advance fraud {"advance fraud" - I'll have to look that up in the Penal Code} communication by the Federal Law.

The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations--which serve, as our mission states, "to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States." So follow our instructions properly to avoid any action before you.

We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that we can track you down through Investigative programs. {If I could track this jibeep down, I'd have no qualms with cutting his throat} We have your address and the evidence and status of your wired funds, so we can arrest you anytime anywhere. {and I can put a bullet in your face faster than a New York hearbeat} Attach a copy of my department ID for your mutual view.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for no criminal justice purposes.