On August 3, 2009, Our Business DSL connection went down at approximately 9AM. Unfortunately, because of where our office is located, we cannot get a cable installation. DSL works – intermittently – over standard telephone or PBX connections; TelCo “twisted pair”. It’s a wonder it even works at all. The 256K "up" / 1.5Mb "down" connection is just slightly faster than a high-end Commodore-64 / 128 dial-up modem circa 1980. When you download a large file, it's like it comes over the wire by Morse Code. We have been forced to labor with this Lethargic piece of shit in our office for over 4 years. Fortunately,  DSL is sufficient to get text email, and log onto our business database which is kept on a remote server. Uploading files to a Web site, or doing any other serious work over the Internet strains the connection to the breaking point.... and it often does.... break. On a normal day, it is not unusual to have to re-power the modem several times, because it just stops working for no reason at all – at least no reason that Verizon can determine.

     I called these Assholes four (4) times today (8/3/2009) and each time they told me the problem was close to being resolved. The FIFTH time I called, I was put in the “call queue” – I just wanted to ask a simple question:

     “Is this piece of shit going to be operational in the morning?”
     Just so I would know to call our guy who calls customers from our online database to stay home tomorrow if the Internet is not operational.

     Instead of getting a live person, I was TORTURED with distorted, over modulated “music on hold” (I use the term “music” loosely) – everything from an Opera that sounded like someone squeezing a cat, to computer-generated “rap”… for OVER FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!! They ought to send these recordings to Gitmo for use in the interrogation of suspected terrorists. Making someone listen to this shit over the phone for over four hours violates the Geneva Convention.... or the Fourth Amendment; "Cruel & Unusual Punishment".

“Please continue to hold… the next available specialist will answer your call”.
“Specialist”?
“Specialist”?
That’s Orwellian NewSpeak for “Bullshit Artist”.

     I just want to know…. Where the FUCK are all those hordes of hard-hatted technicians that rappel out of helicopters and stand out in the fuckin’ rain ready to fix broke shit in a heartbeat, who are in the Verizon commercials? Haven’t seen hide nor hair of one all day… shit!! I can’t even get through on the phone to ask a simple fuckin’ question.

I know where they are!!
In Verizon’s fuckin’ DREAMS!!

     If you are thinking of getting DSL - do some serious re-thinking. If you have any other alternative, ANYTHING is better than DSL... and if you think Verizon FIOS is the "solution", remember that "Tech Support" for FIOS is the same phone number as the one you see and hear here.

     Verizon has GOT to be the shittiest Telecom outfit on the planet! Certainly, their "Tech Support" leaves everything to be desired.

     Our connection was finally restored around noon on August 4, 2009. Uploading this to the Web site and the following videos to YouTube is the first thing I did after the modem light started blinking.